Do you lose your mind when you lose something?

I cannot maintain one second of sanity as I spend my Sunday ravaging through piles of loose papers around my desk, inside my closet and even in my safe, as if this silly document I’m searching for were as important as my birth certificate, deeds to the cars, or the will.

I’m looking for my UCLA Extension Writer’s Program certificate. I’ve lost it and now I can’t find it. I’ve literally wasted hours searching for the damn thing. I don’t really need it for anything. I just want it and I want it now.

It doesn’t help being a disorganized mess. This drives the wife crazy. My desk, my car, my office at work has piles of paper everywhere. The thing is I thought I knew exactly where the certificate was and I’ve scoured this spot at least 3 times and have come up empty. What to do?

I have absolutely no idea where being disorganized came from.  Maybe my mother?

Mom is a hoarder and I readily admit I too hate to throw anything away. I’ve kept ticket stubs, game programs, receipts, notebooks, birthday cards, even Christmas letters from old friends. Hell, I’ve even kept my term papers from college. In my garage are boxes which contain stuff from 3 moves ago. My office contains boxes from my 12 years at NIKE. I’ve got 4 pairs of cleats and 5 hats in my car. By God if I were to throw any of this out I would temporarily lose my mind.  I once snapped at my dear 85-year old mother in-law because she threw away a months old Sports Illustrated magazine!

I know it doesn’t make any logical sense. I know I should keep my desk, my office, my car clean and free of clutter. I just can’t do it. Now, when I really want to find something, I can’t. I don’t want to talk to my wife about it because she’ll only scold me for being a slob. I don’t need scolding, I need to find my certificate. I want to relax. I want to stop stressing about it. This is a horrible feeling. I may have lost it for good.

Think. Where did I have it last? I really have no idea. It’s probably been 9 years since it was sent to me. Why today must I have it?

This is the kind of stuff which makes one feel a little batty. I should just let it go. I really don’t need the document for anything. What even made me think about it was I was looking at the framed picture of my MBA diploma from St. Mary’s when I thought it would be kind of nice to frame my UCLA certificate too and hang it alongside. Ay Dios Mio, here I go again, freaking out over my loss.

At times like this, my breathing is shallow and my insides are all torn inside and out like I have food poisoning. Woe is me. When I was younger I would pray to God to help me find my lost valuable. It never worked so I abandoned trying the divine route to a solution. I’m sure God was sending me the same message my wife does. Throw your shit away and get organized so you don’t lose the important stuff.