I’ve been out of sorts all week. I’ve been sick with a head cold. I put my best friend down on Tuesday night. I haven’t worked out. I haven’t written. I haven’t wanted to do anything but sit around and sulk. I miss my Hazel, but I’ve already written a blog about her and I really have nothing more to say about my best pal. I miss her and that’s that. It’s time for me to write but I’m out of words. So, I give you all that’s on my mind right now. Forgive the interruption.
It’s not like me to feel sorry for myself and deep down I really don’t feel sorry for myself. I’m pretty damn proud of what I’ve accomplished so far. I just get into this funk sometimes when the reality of life punches me in the gut. I’ll snap out of it, but it’s probably just a sign I need to rest, recharge and attack life. I know I’ll be all right. We will be all right. It was time for my Hazel girl. We had to do the one last act of kindness in her life. She could no longer stand up. She was losing control of her bowels. Blind and deaf and unable to walk without assistance. It was no life for a dog. She needed to go and we said goodbye with heartfelt tears, kisses, and prayers.
It isn’t just Hazel that’s got me down. I haven’t felt like my old, affable, self. Why do we human beings go through these ups and downs? Is it simply part of our DNA? The weird part in all of this is, in time, I know I’ll return to my nutty self. I’ll soon be full of wit and wine and looking to kick the living shit out of my competition. Will my friends be ready or will they have gone on to more important things in their lives?
I jump started my writing based on feedback from friends they found my Facebook posts hilarious. They wanted more. Am I still making you laugh? I just don’t know anymore. I’m feeling underwhelming and I don’t like it. Do you?
I’m usually the guy who talks a lot of smack about himself. The guy with self-confidence. The card. THAT Guy. But, I am aloof right now. I’ve lost focus. I’m not sure what it’s going to take to get me back on track but I ask you to bear with me. I’ll get it back together. I simply need to believe there is a purpose to all this. Sickness, disease, death. Why God? Why? What’s the point of making people or animals suffer? Is there a purpose to this life that I simply don’t understand? Is it so hard to make ’em laugh, make ’em laugh, make ’em laugh? Or live forever?
I guess, yes, yes it is.
Charlie's Journal 
So sorry for the loss of your sweet girl Hazel. Hope you’re back to yourself real soon. It is a gift to make people laugh, and you have it. And funny how it works that you can’t spread smiles without smiling yourself.
A tough week indeed. Anybody who even remotely knows me, knows I am not a morning person. That being said, I always made a point of walking with Hazel in the morning. She was special(and that’s from a non-dog person).
I have no doubt you’ll be back to your “normal” self once the Giants knock off the Dodgers, Puig goes 0 for 4 and they expose the hole in his swing.
I’m still reading your blog even if you’re not feeling up to it! Also Amy and I were thinking we need to set up another coffee date soon. Amy just got her first tattoo of an arrow. The quote that goes along with it says you have to pull an arrow back to shoot so when life is dragging you back its just pulling you into the next great thing. I think Amy says it better but you get the idea.