I know.  I know.  I know.  It’s been way, way, too long since I’ve posted anything.  Please forgive me.  I’ve been kind of busy.  To quickly bring you up to speed, I survived Dry January without a drink and somehow, someway, made up for lost time by drinking nearly every day since.  All is good but I’m definitely pissed off and have decided to take out my frustration with the written word.  A “Dear Asshole” letter seemed absolutely appropriate to the individual or individuals who have created financial havoc for me in the last 30 days. 

Dear Asshole,

You’re attempts to sabotage my online presence, compromise my bank account, and fraudulently use my credit cards has failed and failed miserably.  I’m still online, I have a new checking account number, and new ATM and MasterCard.  I wonder was it worth it?  Was trying to steal from me worth it?

My bank caught your feeble attempt and refused to cash $8,000 in fake checks.  You couldn’t charge anything on my MasterCard or pull cash from my ATM.  What pray tell did you hope to gain?  Really, it must be frustrating for you if this is what you need to do to get by.

Is our American society so bankrupt of opportunity that you can’t get a job or is  this your attempt at employment?  Are you suffering, Brother, and desperate enough to do just about anything to provide for your family?  If you are, I probably would’ve helped you out of the goodness of my heart.  Trying to steal from me, however, is unacceptable.  Now, I have no mercy for you and hope that you get caught, are jailed, and they throw away the key.

You did succeed in getting me to close my Facebook account.  Yet, for that small win, I’m still out there on Instagram and Twitter and I communicate with my friends overseas via WeChat and WhatsApp.  It’s just as well.  Facebook was getting too political for me anyway.  As a bleeding heart Liberal, I couldn’t stand the misinformation shared on Facebook and the seemingly in culpability of so many who spread falsehoods.  It’s just as well.  I was spending too much time on the app anyway.  So far, these other online platforms aren’t as explosive, in my opinion, but they just as easily could be if I let them.

It’s high time for you, dearest asshole, to rethink your life.  Is it so rewarding to profit off the pratfalls of others for your own personal gain?  Wouldn’t you rather work an honest day for an honest day’s pay and live an honest life?  Maybe or maybe not.  Either way, I pity you.  If trying to get ahead by stealing from others is your idea of success, you are terribly misguided.

So, in signing off, know this – you are a loser.  You are never going to win.  Even if, some sucker does indeed leave themselves vulnerable enough so you can steal their money.  You’ve lost.  I urge you to turn things around and take the honorable path.  No matter how hard your life is, you’ll win in the long run. Taking from others is not the answer.

And, if you don’t take my advice?  Suck ass, which is exactly what you’re going to be doing in prison.

Sincerely yours,

Charlie