Happy New Year! Here in beautiful Portland, OR, USA, it’s 22 degrees Fahrenheit outside (-5.5 C). I’m sitting in my living room drinking coffee wearing my NIKE sweatpants and tee shirt with my faux fur lined slippers keeping my toes warm. I’m not going to waste your time sharing my resolutions for 2015. This year I’m going to predict the winners of the major sporting events in 2015.

January

The Oregon Ducks will win the inaugural College Football Playoffs over the Alabama Crimson Tide. It’s a matchup everyone in the country wanted and will receive. The Ducks 1st National Championship in Football will be celebrated with a parade in downtown Portland.

February

The Seattle Seahawks will become the first back to back National Football League champions since the 2005 New England Patriots. The Seahawks will once again face the Denver Broncos and calls for Peyton Manning’s inability to win more than one Super Bowl will be heard throughout the nation. The Seahawks championship will be celebrated with a parade in downtown Seattle.

March

South Africa will win their 1st Cricket World Cup. Millions of Americans will continue to believe cricket is nothing but an insect. The South Africans championship will be celebrated 3 times with parades in downtown Cape Town, downtown Pretoria and downtown Bloemfontein.

April

Tiger Woods will win The Masters for his 15th Major and first since the 2008 US Open.  The golf world will again be abuzz about whether or not Tiger will catch Jack Nicklaus’s record of 18 Major’s.  Tiger will be celebrated with a parade in downtown Jupiter Island.

May

Go write this name down right now.  You heard it here first.  Circassian will win the Kentucky Derby.  This 2-year old colt will become the king of kings.  The most wanted stud of studs.  Circassian will be celebrated in all his blazing glory with a parade in downtown Louisville.

June

The Women’s World Cup will be won on penalty kicks by the Germans.  These blond haired blue eyed fraulines have strength and style and a mean kick.  The USA will come close but not close enough.  Germany’s female footballers will be celebrated with a parade in downtown Berlin.

July

In the 17th Pan American Games to be held in Toronto, ON, Canada, the United States will win the most Gold, Silver, and Bronze medals for the 17th time.  The USA will medal in all 36 sports.  There will be no parades.  No American gives a shit about the Pan American games.

August

Australia will win their 12th World Championship of Netball.  The games will be played in Sydney and the Australians will have a large home crowd captivated to watch their team dominate again.  In downtown Canberra, the parade to celebrate the 11 Netballers will last 5 minutes and only the ladies parents will show up.

September

The World Rythmic Gymnastic Championships will once again be dominated by Russia’s Yana Kudryavtseva.  Weighing in at just 43 kgs she is a magician with ribbon, clubs, ball, and hoop.  I can’t wait to watch her performance on ESPN 8, the “Ocho.”  Yana’s parade in downtown Moscow will be cancelled because she’ll be jailed for disparaging remarks about Putin’s leadership.

October

It’s an odd numbered year, the San Francisco Giants cannot win Major League Baseball’s highest honor.  The World Series trophy will be hoisted by the St. Louis Cardinals.  Devasted by their loss in the National League Championship Series in 2014, the Cards will have the pitching, the hitting, the defense, and the desire to win it all in 2015.  The Cardinals will celebrate their championship with a parade in downtown St. Louis.

November

In an upset at the World Weightlifting Championships, I will win the 94 – 105 kg Snatch, Clean & Jerk and Total.  The International Weightlifting Federation will accuse me of not using steroids which will result in the IWF stripping me of my title and banning me for life from future competitions.  My parade in downtown Half Moon Bay will be cancelled.

December

It is hard to imagine anyone but Canada’s Rosannagh Maclennan winning the World Trampoline Championships.  Her Synchro in 2013 was breathtaking.  She is the reigning world champion and I can’t see anyone knocking her off the trampoline.  She won Gold at the 2012 Olympics.  After her win, Rosannagh’s parade in downtown King City will feature Molson beer.

Well, there you have it.  My predictions for 2015.  Check in from time to time for updates on how many of these I got right.  This is a test of my clairvoyance, my only skill  that gets better every year.