Is there anything more upsetting than losing a game?  I don’t care what it is you’re playing but when you lose it sucks.  I have a pit in my stomach that feels like a bowling ball.  My National Adult Baseball Association team lost in the championship game yesterday 5-1.  We had gone the whole week undefeated up until that point even beating the team we were playing for the 2013 NABA World Series title 7-3 on Monday.  But we didn’t hit.  I didn’t hit.  I want to cry.  I want to jump up and down and yell and scream.  I want to punch something.

There is something about losing that motivates the team to work harder, to learn from mistakes, and I’ll even buy that it makes winning all the more sweet.  But, what is the point?  Why after so much success does a team and an individual fail?  We had won 6 in a row heading into yesterday’s game.

I’m NOT looking for sympathy.  In fact, dear reader, do NOT comment if you think I’m fishing for a feel good cliche.  I’m not!  I need to get this off my chest before I drive myself crazy with regret.  So, it would be better if you had anything to say, comment on how you felt during a contest when you lost and what you did about it.  Please no “better luck next time” crap, OK?

It wasn’t that we didn’t – I didn’t – want it bad enough.  It wasn’t that we hadn’t trained.  We didn’t give the game away.  We simply failed to hit.  The pitcher was good, but not so good we couldn’t hit him.  I myself had pitches to hit but didn’t.  It is the unpredictability of baseball that drives exhilaration and utter despair.  Earlier in the week, I was hitting balls over outfielders heads and at the end of the week I couldn’t hit it out of the infield.  Was I fatigued, surely, but I should’ve been able to do better.

The funny thing about hitting is that it is contagious.  When one guy gets a hit, others follow.  Usually.  For some reason, it just didn’t happen yesterday.  We averaged 15 runs per game heading into the title bout.  We scored 1.  Seriously?  I am still pissed not so much at my teammates but at myself.  Why does this happen?

I’ve been playing this game since I was 8 years old.  I’m not about to give up now.  I’m going to spend the winter contemplating what happened in my last game of 2013 and, of course, use it as motivation in my training.  I’ll probably take the week off to heal up, but I’ll be out running again before you know it.  I’ll be in the weight room and I’ll be hitting in the cages.  I know I’ll do better next time.  I have to keep the faith that if you want success, you have train harder and I will.

There’s no crying in baseball but I sure want to every time I fail.  And I know I’m not perfect, I just want to be.