I’ll be the first to admit, I’m not the handiest guy around.  It’s not like I’m a complete tool  around the house, but I’m far from being a do-it-yourselfer.  In fact, I’m usually quite lame which often results in procrastination, a query, a fight with the better half, and then a call to a professional.  So, I’ve been thinking about some of the other value added services I might bring to the home.  I’m coming up with a pretty short list.

I’m an outstanding check writer.  Oh boy, when I finally get around to calling a plumber, electrician, landscaper, kitchen remodeler, about the best thing I do is write out a check.  My cursive is an art form.  Legible, perfectly laid out on the line, and a signature worth a million bucks.  Oh yeah, my checkbook is even balanced.

Since we don’t really believe in killing any of God’s creatures unless we’re going to eat it, another great benefit by having me around is to capture and release bugs.  Flies, bees, spiders, all get a 2nd chance with me around.  I’ve even snared and let out into the wild, a mouse – 3 times in one day.  I’m not kidding.  The bastard kept coming back until I realized I needed to go further than a city block.

I’m somewhat of a master barbecuer.  I don’t go for the quick and easy gas grill.  Oh no, I’m a charcoal or mesquite man through and through.  I don’t care about ashes or  the length of time it takes to get the coals just right.  I just think the food tastes better using ebony cinders presoaked in lighter fluid.  Primary specialities include steaks, chicken, sausages and corn on the cob.  I’m still vegetables challenged.

Mastermind of the retirement plan is not usually something my wife calls me but she should.  I’m a saver and it’s something I learned from my Uncle many moons ago.  He taught me the value of paying yourself first, then the bills, and then enjoy whatever is left over.  No regrets.  But, if we live to retirement age, we’ll be able to do what we want, see what we want, and enjoy the fruits of our years of labor.

I enjoy being the IT Help Desk for the house.  I can usually solve the problems by turning on the monitor, or opening the 2nd window, or simply restarting the computer.  These are challenging times for the not so tech savvy person.  Fortunately, I’m not afraid of technology.  I embrace it like I do my lame ass.

So, that’s it.  Not much there when you compare all of the things my wife does.  It’s a good thing she keeps me around.  I’m guessing it’s probably time for me to quit writing and call someone to stain the deck.